Is Jealousy a good thing or a bad thing?
Jealousy is a topic which crops up all the time in discussions around sex and relationships. For many people jealousy can cause huge problems in their relationships, as their partners become more and more controlling. However, for many other people jealousy is a sign that they care about their partners.
In fact jealousy itself is neither a good nor a bad thing. It is simply another of our emotions and is therefore just how we feel.
As we have said, we can’t control our emotions – what we can do is control how we behave in light of our feelings. For example, we all have the right to feel angry from time to time, it’s perfectly natural – however, just because we are feeling angry, doesn’t give us the right to start screaming and shouting and throwing furniture around in some blind rage.
Instead, we have the choice to remove ourselves from the situation, go away, calm down and then explain to whoever has upset us how we feel and what can be done in order for it not to happen again.
The same goes for jealousy.
When we see our partner talking to someone else, or having fun without us, it is perfectly natural to feel jealous. It is a sign that we don’t want them to forget us, or leave us – a sign that we want to be the thing that makes them happy and a central part of their life.
However, that doesn’t give you the right to stop them seeing their mates or shouting at them for talking to someone else. That doesn’t work and is more likely to push them away. Again, calm down and tell them how you feel, no matter how irrational it is – you need to decide whether or not you trust them – holding them prisoner will not make it better though.
© Going off the Rails 2014. Adapted from ‘Playing Downstairs’ by Jonny Hunt