Leaving a bad relationship

Even when a bad relationship comes to an end – it doesn’t stop it from hurting.  Indeed, the fact that it wasn’t a very healthy relationship will probably mean you need even more time to heal.

Your self-esteem

As a result of being in a negative relationship, we can quite often lose sense of who we really are and our own value as a person. Our self-esteem takes a nose dive as all of the nasty things that have been said or have happened leave their mark. One of the reasons we stay in relationships that are bad for us is that either the other person makes us feel like it is our fault that they are abusive or they make us feel so worthless that no-one else will want us and we will end up being alone. Neither of these things are true.

Firstly, it takes a lot of courage to take control of your life again and to walk away from an abusive relationship, so well done. You have already proven that you are stronger than both you and your partner think.  However, this is only the first step. Sometimes this is the wake-up call that people need to actually look at and change their behaviour so don’t be surprised if your partner turns up desperate to apologise and with promises of change. It is up to you whether or not you believe them and to whether you want to give them a second chance.

A Second Chance?

However, it is important now that you have made this positive step that you do not then take a step backwards. If you do take them back first, give them an ultimatum – you will not let them carry on as they did before and if they don’t change their behaviour then that is it – The End. No more second chances.

If you decide that enough is enough and you are not going back then now is the time to pick yourself up and rebuild.

Moving On

Remember you deserve better. Take some time out for yourself, reconnect with your friends and enjoy your own company.

I know at times you will feel lonely, and desperate to be with someone (even the wrong someone) however, try not to jump straight into a new relationship – otherwise you run the risk of making the same mistakes again if you haven’t taken time to reflect and get back your own self-esteem. A new relationship will not fill the void left by your ex – you need to do that for yourself.

National organisations that can help

See Service Finder for local support groups

© Going off the Rails 2012. Adapted from ‘Playing Downstairs’ by Jonny Hunt

 

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