Love and sex…
The general advice that sex is only safe in a committed relationship is something that especially school sex ed has been pushing for some time – and we are not necessarily contradicting this – however we simply want to point out that just because you are having sex within, what on the face of it, seems like a safe relationship – will not suddenly make the sex you are having fulfilling, meaningful or safe.
In actual fact, it is often within a relationship that partners feel pressured into having sex and end up doing it for less than ideal reasons; having sex because it is easier to do it, than to say no. They do it not because they want to but because there is an underlying expectation that that is what you do when you are in a relationship.
Just because you are in love with someone does not remove the risk from having sex. Furthermore, having a one-nite-stand doesn’t suddenly mean that the sex was meaningless or unfulfilling.
Sex and love are often confused to mean the same thing. Yes often sex can be something that people in love do; or sex can be a way to show someone you love them. However, having sex with someone will not make them fall in love with you – or stay in love with you. Sex doesn’t work that way. Equally just because you love someone does not mean you have to sleep with them. Unfortunately the words “I love you” is quite often code for “I want to have sex with you”; and that’s not the same thing.
In all honesty there will be times when you have sex and it means the world to you. There may be times that you have sex and it will not even register as significant. Like we’ve already said much will depend on the situation, on you, who you choose to sleep with and the reasons why.
What you have to ask yourself is why are you having sex? Is it for you or to please someone else? Is it because it’s what you want? Or is it because all your mates are (supposedly) doing it?
Sex can mean lots of different things to different people – what you need to decide is what it means to you.
© Going off the Rails 2012. Adapted from ‘Playing Downstairs’ by Jonny Hunt