The secret is communication

Essentially, what I’m saying is that talking to each other about how you feel is key. How are you supposed to know what is going on in your partner’s head and how they feel if they don’t tell you – we are not psychic?  Plus, it is often hard to know what is going on as people can behave funny or react strangely when they are upset – we’re all different.

Like I said, the best thing to do is to tell each other how you feel and explain what you are scared of or what is bothering you. Talking and being someone you can open up to will make you feel far closer than shagging ever will.

Talking is a two way process. They say you have two ears and only one mouth for a reason, as you should be doing twice as much listening as you do talking. When we feel like we aren’t being listened to, this is when we feel neglected, wronged or isolated. Whereas having someone who listens to you and takes interest in you is a wonderful thing and makes you feel special.

An important point to remember, just because you are in a relationship together does not mean that you have to agree all the time. In fact it would be kind of scary if you did agree on everything – and probably not all that healthy either. As I have already said, one of the best things about having a partner is having someone who can challenge you – arguments do not have to be a bad thing and do not always have to lead to shouting and screaming. An argument is a chance to test each other, explore ideas, scenarios and feelings. Take the opportunity to explore each others minds as well as each other’s bodies – remember the brain is the most powerful sexual organ you have – use it!

Learning how to argue, or how to cope with disagreements is another big challenge in a relationship. It should not be a chance to score points or to bring up past mistakes. The other thing is you’ll find you fall out more about meaningless crap like who gets to hold the remote control or which celebrities you fancy!

A relationship should be based on give and take – that does not mean one person does all of the giving, whilst the other does all of the taking. A power difference is never a good thing; a relationship should not be a chance to bully someone else to make you feel better or to get your way all of the time.

We all want to be respected and appreciated – however in return you must treat your partner with respect and show them how much they mean to you – that is your responsibility.

© Going off the Rails 2014. Adapted from ‘Playing Downstairs’ by Jonny Hunt

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