The First Time

Some people want their first time to be special – other are more pragmatic and just want to get on with it. Regardless, the first time you have sex is scary, and exciting. Everyone wants to be thought of as good at sex – however, whilst sex can be fun and very pleasurable, it can also be a bit of a disappointment, and leave you confused and feeling used. So what makes the difference?

Simply, you do.

Firstly, if you are doing it to try to prove a point, or to make someone else happy – it won’t work. Equally, if you are under pressure from your partner, friends or have been drinking too much. Indeed, The most powerful sexual organ in the human body is your brain – so if you are not in the right head space, then you won’t have a positive experience. Check the Are You Ready page to find out a little more.

If you are planning on having sex then make sure you do exactly that – do some planning! Talk to your partner, talk about contraception, about protecting against STIs but most importantly talk about how you feel – there are no condoms to protect your emotional health! Most people who lose their virginity say that the experience was much better when they had sex for the first time with someone who they knew, had mutual trust and respect for and most importantly someone they felt comfortable with. If you are not worried about getting pregnant or catching STIs or them running off and telling everyone then you can sit back and relax…

Find somewhere you feel safe and comfortabe. Not upstairs at a party, or anywhere you might be interupted. Somewhere you can both relax and take your time. Remember sex is something you should do in your own time and on your own terms – not because someone else says so…

Approx 80% of young people don’t have sex until after they are 16; there is no rush!

Finally, sex isn’t like in the films, it is sticky, messy, clumsy – you will bang heads, fart or get cramp at the wrong moment, but it should be fun. Don’t take yourself too seriously – although sex does get better with practice, first time sex doesn’t have to be something you regret.

To read other people’s questions and answers around their first time click here

Now that your prepared you can get down to the fun stuff! Check out the Doing It page to find out what happens next as there’s far more to sex than the proverbial plug in a socket…

© Going off the Rails 2012. Adapted from ‘Playing Downstairs’ by Jonny Hunt

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